My bible is a journal.
When I was a kid, I remember the Family Bible. Capital F, capital B. This sucker was a good 10 pounds, 8.5" x 11" with gold leaf covering the edge of every page. King James version, of course, and complete with "Airbrushed Jesus" affixed on the handcrafted leather front cover.
I never read the thing. I was too afraid to. God forbid I wrinkled, ripped or sneezed on one of those golden pages. Later on in life, selfish, broken and short on cash, I may have considered what it would fetch at a pawn shop - especially in such pristine condition.
But as I got serious about following Jesus, the unhealthy value I placed on a bunch of paper and ink started to wane. Spilling half a cup of High Octane on it definitely accelerates the process.
At any rate, as time has gone on, I've found myself making notes from sermons in my bible, jotting down thoughts, prayers or questions as I've studied on my own...even little flashes of wisdom from conversations overheard on the street. And it's been pretty cool in a lot of ways looking back over the scribbles and getting rushed back into those moments; remembering where I was spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually in my faith.
I was reading through Mark this morning and found myself caught up in some old notes. Timeless truths in fading ink.
One of the notes said, "My picture of God determines everything else in my life." Great reminder.
Another one was an old Jewish blessing, "May the dust of your rabbi fall upon you." I've used that one in a lot of conversations and sermons.
Next to Mark 1:3, I wrote "Make your heart ready for God so that you can be changed" and "remove the spiritual debris..." I jotted down "The primal call of Jesus," where he says, "Follow me."
I've stopped worrying about keeping my bible neat and clean. I'm cool with the dog-eared and dirty pages. I don't care about different colored ink and wavy underlining.
The gospel is messy. So is my life.
And my bible is starting to reflect that. The dirtier it gets, the more beautiful it becomes to me.
Looking through these pages this morning reminds me to stop trying so hard to keep things so neat and clean in my little world. To stop faking holiness. To stop pretending that I've attained some spiritual achievement. A high price was paid to purchase us out of that kind of futile living - we should all take full advantage of that gift.
Maybe there's some beauty in coloring outside the lines after all. Redemption in the scribbles.
So go on...get a fresh new bible and a set of good pens. And then get to work. Scribble. Write. Question. Pray. Don't be afraid to get dirty and put pen to paper.
Make it a minor act of rebellion against the religious hypocrisy that venerates pages over people. Make your book shout "freedom" every time you open it up at church.
I promise you'll enjoy the mess.
"And then God answered: 'Write this. Write what you see...'" - Habakkuk 2:2
